Well, I managed to make it through the weekend...without anything too terribly fucked up happening. I almost went and bought a new car...but I didn't...but I want too...and still might.
Things are going to be busy the next few weeks, Spencer my step son is graduating high school in 3 weeks. GRADUATING. Crazy shit, seems like yesterday I met him for the first time and he was just this little cute 8 year old boy. Now he is all grown up and has a beautiful girlfriend and is well on his way to being on his own. He just turned 18 years old and I just want to cry that he is all grown up.
Ashtin is doing well, my relationship with her has never been great but was much better in the months before Monty and I seperated. Much better because I think I was so disconnected that I just stopped fighting her horrible behaviors and let Monty deal with it on his own. I just got tired...about 6 months prior to me leaving she ran away several times with random boys whom she admitted sleeping with..did some horrible things at school and to her family and I think my heart just broke into. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. 10 years too much. I have only spoken with her once since I left almost 7 weeks ago. She was so angry and upset that I was leaving that I didn't figure I would hear much out of her after that. She called me a couple of weeks ago and seemed in good spirits and much more forgiving of me than I have been of her. I am the adult and I know better but I just can't seem to forget all the hell...and yes..sorry folks..to me it was torture. Absolutely the worst. Hopefully my relationship will improve with her someday regardless of what happens between her dad and I. I am still hopeful she will turn out to be ok and that just maybe in the 10 years I was around that I made some kind of a difference in her life.
Right now I know my blog isn't funny...I know it probably isn't fun to read either. I am still a funny girl but lots of serious shit is happening in my life right now that has changed me into a not so fun person. I am trying though and that is all I can do.
I know that somewhere inside I can get that part of myself back...I feel like I slipped away somewhere and just don't know quite how to get myself back.
I just want to smile again...and I know that I will one day soon.
One day at a time bitches...one day at a time.
I don't know why I chose to share my miserable broken self with you all right now..
I guess because I am too big of a lazy ass to write it in a journal so instead I type it for you to see.
:)
Goodnite.
About Me
- Pissy Britches
- Beautiful daughter..5 years old. McKenna is her name. Me, well I'm 32 and DIVORCED and LOST & CONFUSED. I have a great job, am independent but boy I need to get my man shit together. Now is probably not the time for me to be typing this.
7 comments:
that's okay.
you can spill anytime.
good to hear ashtin is better and hopefully she'll wise up. i'm sure she's worried thinking that her "mom" left her again, y'know? time heals all wounds they say...
wow @ graduating. i dont even wanna think about that.
keep your chin up...and for the record...i still think your funny, but sometimes life isn't...so ya deal.
Hey that is what blogging is for. To get it out of you. Not for entertaining others.
Wow hard to believe he is graduating I remember you blogging about him getting his drivers license. I hope and pray Ashtin will be okay but only she can do it. Not her Dad or anyone else but her.
I hope you get happy again Pissy. Life is too damn short not to be!
P.S. I am so damn close to buying a new car but I don't currently hav a car payment and with the job/economy being what it is I am chicken but damn I want one!
God bless graduating step kids, right? Yeeehaw.
And as for Ashtin, I think you definitely had an influence on her - a positive one. I mean you were there and granted you had to deal with her shit, her giant TONS of shit, but you did it and that says a lot. Shit ton more than I did.
And hi, not to repeat, but blogs are not fucking entertainment for others. If they happen to find that, then great, but this blog is for you and if you need to vent and not be "funny" then fuck em if they don't like it.
I know you are funny. If the rest doesn't that is their damn loss.
I use my blog as an outlet too, as you well know. I got a lot of criticism for it too. Especially the old one.
I am a step parent and it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. You try so hard and you're never sure if anyone notices or even cares.
I hope life improves soon for you. Very soon.
Hmmmm.
I wouldn't mind being 18 again. Actually, I don't want to repeat the experience. I just want that new body smell.
Feel better pissy.
Go buy a new car if you need to:)
(((pissy)))
Honey love, we love you if you're funny, pissy, moody, giggly...whatever. We know you have some shit going on and we come here to read it and know that even if we can't do anything to help, you have your support system in tact.
Being a step mom since I was 18 years old wasn't an easy road...in fact the hardest one. I have my doubts and regrets...but damn it, it's fucking hard shit.
I love you sweet thang. Head up. You are loved.
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