Pissed Off

I feel like screaming...I feel like hurting him.

What do I have to do to prove I am worthy?
I don't understand why this is fucking happening to me.
I don't understand why I put up with the bullshit.
It all hit me this very moment as I sit here and I am disgusted with myself.

My life used to be so much different and now all that's left of that is hate and broken pieces.
All for nothing...

I want to move, I want to start over. I want to forget I ever met you.
I want the pain to go away b/c I know you are going to hurt me again just like you have the last 14 other times you have fucked someone else. I know it's coming again..I feel it in my bones.
I cant take it anymore, I can't take the hurt but yet I know I have to hurt to move on so I almost wish it upon myself so I can get it the fuck over with and be done. But in my soul I know I will never be done.
I will date other men but I will never feel the way I feel about you.
You will be happy with some stupid ass bitch and I will end up the lonely one.

I need therapy.
I need peace.
I need to be held again..it's been so long.
I need to be kissed again..it's been so long.
I miss it sometimes but am getting more and more used to being without it which is MADNESS.
It's all a waste.
One big fat fucking waste.
All the pain, all the happy times, all the memories...I just want to forget..forget that you ever came into my life.
You ruined my happiness.
I let you do it.
That is the hardest part.