My recent trama...drama..trama...

Well folks, this isn't gonna be a funny post so if your looking for funny go lookin somewhere else.
I wish I could be funnier lately but life seems to be throwing piles of shit at me and the people that I care about...what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger right?

So after my exhausting and not much fun trip to Florida for work last week I decided to go out with a good friend on Friday night for some much needed girl talk and margaritas. It turned out to be one of the worst evenings of my life. After dinner and drinks we headed down the street a bit to a small local club and danced our asses off for a little while.

Later on in the evening I was headed back to my car which was less than 200 feet from the bar entrance I notice a man walking toward me..something in my head told me I was fucked at that point but as soon as that thought entered my head he pulled out a gun and pointed it at me and told me to drop all my shit or he would kill me.

Needless to say, I dropped all my shit...begged him not to shoot me because I had a 4 year old daughter..as if he gave a fuck. He took everything...probably like most ladies out there..my life was being carried around in my handbag...let me just run down the list for you real quick..
-my debit card
-my new recently opened savings account number
-a brand new book of checks with my new address on them
-keys to my car, keys to my apartment along with the keychain from my apartment complex which says where I live, my mailbox key..etc..you get the point
-my amex
-my cell phone
-every picture of my daughter that has ever been made...

and pretty much everything else you can think of...was in that handbag.

Oh and did I forget to mention how nothing has ever happened to me like this before in my life? Did I mention that now I am afraid to be alone in my apartment or walk down the street?

I didn't argue with him much...As he got about 5 feet away from my head with that gun I decided that maybe that $500 Coach handbag and it contents weren't so important after all.

I got robbed, at gun point..in a very popular area of town..where the streets are crowded and it was only 11:30 at night. Just happened that no one was walking down that sidewalk Friday night except for me and him.

So, there you have it..he took my shit...I spent all weekend cancelling things and reopening things and being scared that he would come break into my apartment because he knows where I live and has the keys to my home and my car. Calling locksmiths and credit card companies and telephone companies and all that bullshit you go through when something like this happens.

I know I am lucky to be alive..I am very grateful that I am..don't get me wrong..I know it could have been much worse. But it still fucking sucks because now I live with that fear that I never had before...
I feel violated and much less safe in this big world.

And..Spencer..my step son..totalled his car yesterday. He is ok.
And...Monty found out he is losing his job in 60 days and has to fire the 6 employees that work for him.

And...right now I feel like running really far away or sleeping for a week.

Life goes on....but things have changed for me....it is becoming difficult for me to have a positive outlook on things because shitty things keep happening..some of them I caused...some of them not.

I have been seriously considering seeing a therapist for a long time now to deal with a lifelong list of issues...we all have issues right? I think that Friday night put me as close to the edge as I have ever been and I just can't continue to deal with all this shit by myself.
So call me a pussy if you want but it is time for my ass to call and get help to work through this mess and figure out what I want out of my life..or at least get a clearer picture.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm scared...and I'm sad...and I am up and down and happy and sad and mad and bitter and all those things I never wanted to be.

Just keep my crazy ass in your thoughts ok?

Loves and Hugs..
Pissy